Things I learned and didn't learn

Here are a couple more quesions that Anton threw our way.

What have you learned about yourself during this trip?

I’ve been asking myself this question for the past 5 days and have not come up with anything. I’ve learned a few things to add to my life, but nothing really new about myself.

(My wife is calling to me over my shoulder telling me she learned that she loves to flush toilet paper. In every corner of Lebanon there are garbage cans sitting right beside the toilets. You don’t flush any paper down the sewer; rather you just wipe and place your paper in the garbage. Someone will eventually remove it later in the day or week . . . or month. She quipped off a few other things she learned about herself but I’ll keep them to myself. Very funny stuff.)

Since the team didn’t know me that well, I’m sure they all learned a few things about me that they didn’t know before. I got the odd look that would suggest disbelieve in what they just heard or saw me do. D’oh!

We had fun together.

What have you learned about God during this trip?

God is a God of great love for his children. Particularly for me.

We are quick to “teach” and encourage others about the grace and love that God has for them but not often do we stop and reflect on his love for ourselves as an individual. When God comes up close and personal with His love, all of a sudden life get’s very real and we have a choice to make. We can see ourselves as unworthy scum and push God away, or we can relax and just let the love of God land on us and do its work in us.

After being very sick for the first trip to the cedars (check out the blog on this day), He provided a second opportunity to go to another part of Lebanon to see the cedars on our second last day of the trip (check out the blog after this day). I had completely come to terms with my disappointment the first time, and rested in the fact that I would never see the cedars on this trip and the likelihood of seeing them before the new earth was also slim. I knew that for some reason, God’s reason, this was the way it was to play out.

So when I heard a few days later that we were going to take some time at another cedar location, my heart was not elated, but cautiously optimistic. When it actually happened and I found myself in the middle of the forest I was overcome with the love that God has for me. That He would gift me with something that I thought he didn’t want me to have. He wanted me to see this forest and not the other. This forest blew me away. It was fragrant, it was beautiful, it was mysterious, it was magnificent, and it was a picture of great strength.

Thank you God for your love for me; that you would give this good gift to me is beyond what I am worthy of, but I receive it with great joy and I love it.

jp

A Morning Blessing

This morning I was reading Job 1-3.

Satan says to God, “So, does Job fear God for nothing?”

And then God allows Satan to take everything away from Job. His oxen, camels, sheep, donkeys and even his children. Completely gone. Nothing left. What does Job so? He falls to the ground and worships God.

So I started to think hard on this. Do I fear God for nothing? If I lost all that I have, would I fall on my face before God and worship Him? In verse 2:10 Job responds to his wife, who had asked him to curse God, “Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?”

If I had my dear sweet Faye and Ami taken from me, would I fall on my face and worship God?

If I lost my job, the house I live in, my wonderful wife, would I fall on my face and worship God?

If everything was gone, and I was left standing alone with just my pain and grief, would I still fall on my face and worship God?

Then I looked out the window and it was snowing and looked cold. I pictured myself out there in it, on my knees worshiping God, having no place to go, nothing to eat, still in my pain. But I was with God.

Is it enough for me to know God and to be known by Him? Is it enough for just me with my creator? What would keep me going in that moment? Would it be my total fear of an awesome God who holds me in the palm of His hand and can do whatever He wills with me?

Lord, today I want to thank you for all your blessings and want you to know that I appreciate all that you have given to me. But Lord, today I also want my fear of you to be deepened, knowing that I am yours to do with as you wish, and knowing that even in times of trouble, you love me and I’ll always safe in the palm of your hand.

So then in that moment of prayer I’m wakened to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I jumped up with a start and raced to pick it up so my wife doesn’t wake up. It’s a friend. He said he wanted to pray for me. So he did.

He prayed that I would have insight into God’s will for me that day. He prayed that I would have super natural wisdom and have the courage to follow through on whatever God would have me do today. Then he prayed that I would have a blessed day at work. He prayed blessings on my children, my wife, my home, my health. He wanted God to bless me in a great way. His last words were “Bless you”.

How can I not fear a God who knows me deeply, knows where I am and what I’m reading and thinking about. A God that summons His child to make a phone call so that He could speak into my moment in a profound way. This is such a God to fear.

I just sat in awe at what God just gave me. It was God coming close to me and saying, “Your safe with me, I know you fear me and nothing else, and this day I choose to bless you.” And then I got on my knees and worshiped Him.

jp

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